Thanks Giving Break

Dear all,

So sorry for not blogging for so long, den suddenly word diahorrea again..

Been contemplating what to blog about..cos i DID mention that my blog is primarily to thank God for everything in my life, to blog about spiritual progess, to blog about successes and steps i have taken towards God, but then again, i need somewhere i can express myself, and let my friends know how i am..kinda caught in the middle..

But for now, please indulge me in some self-centred revelrie in celebrating this fantastic thanks giving break that i just had [*sobz sobz*..almost over] and let me give thanks to God in my own way. [like a kid who is showing his Dad what he had done over the weekend..hope that puts a smile on your face God]

So read on if you'd like to..my thanks giving break special..

Birch Run (II) !

Dear all
Haha..this is like my lame attempt to look cooll..hah..at the insistence of my retail therapy pals Terence and Jeromy..haha..but i'm jumping the gun a bit here..

Birch Run II! haha..obviously the attraction was there, what with the 25% birch run wide sale at midnight..ha..In case you have no idea, Birch Run is like a super conglomerate factory outlet place where you actually use your car as a push cart cos the place is friggin big and the stores are kinda far apart. No where is Suntec or marina square comparable..ha..

Anyway, first off, it was a midnight sale, so we decided to drive over at 11PM..BAD CALL..we were driving along the freeway for about an hour, when we ran into a long queue to EXIT the freeway..and it was still 3 miles away from the exit! that was how bad the queue was..and it was not the only direction people came in from; there were like atleast another 2 outlet for vehicles to travel in, and it was 3 miles long queue to LEAVE the freeway..not to say we still had to drive to the outlet, and find a parking lot..which means those ppl who got there first had to LEAVE first..

Ohwells..we just followed Kianleong [darn good driver..a bit evil tho..the way we cut other ppl..hah..] and we cut the queue at the exit and managed to get in within half an hour. and started our retail therapy [never stop a buunch of college students from their de-stressing therapy! Muahahah]

And Yepp..i bought less stuff than before, but i still got that jacket i was wearing in the photo..and no, i did not buy the hat..hah..love that jacket sia..i tink i'm a jacket person now..got at least 3-4 jackets..almost more than my shoes le..ha..

Yepp..what else is there to tell..I managed to finish my shopping by 3AM, which was a long time, but not entirely my fault when the queue was like winding around the whole friggin huge shop..1 hour queue to pay up..ha..and the rest were like intending to stay until the morning..ha..literally shoe till they drop..poor drivers..

Yepp..the next day everyone was tired to the max..and we still had to prepare for the ThanksGiving Dinner we were going to do Pot Luck on..

Thanks Giving Dinner II

Haha..and this is the thanksgiving dinner we had on friday evening! hah..

The picture on the right is the sphagetti sauce i was making, and the one on the left is a pic on what ever arrived early..ha..yepp..it was totally cool..except that it took us the whole day to prepare a meal..ha..

But i totally appreciate the convenience of having a kitchen and a fridge whereby you can store whatever you over estimate on buying..Like when you are planning for a single meal, you will definitely overestimate someth, then you'll need to store it..OR you dunno how much you need, so if you could store it, you could just buy more and keep for later use..ha..house husband 101..anyway, mine was easy to make..just sphagetti [make it el dente] and the sauce [which i was halfway confused whether i was making a beef stew or a sphagetti sauce..then i was asking myself 'what makes a sphagetti sauce a sphagetti sauce?'] so i took up pretty little of the stove time..

Ha..anyway, my conclusion was that it was only the tomato sauce that made it sphagetti..If i din add the tomato sauce, it would just become beef stew..ha..which pretty much means that everything is the same except for the final flavouring and touch to it..[of course stew would have to have potato so that it becomes more starchy..ha..not rocket science of course..

Yepp..so in the end it was fulfiling, enjoyable thanksgiving where we truly appreciate the skill of our moms, who could prepare a meal in an hour while we took the whole afternoon to do so..ha..Thanks Mom!

Driving II

Ha..everything seems to come in twos [Hao Shi Cheng Shuang!]

Haha..lame..anyway, i managed to drive twice this break! ha..less than i expected, but since i had that scare that i wasn't going to learn at all, i'm thanking God for whatever lessons i can get here..ha..

Anyway, the second time i drove was on thursday..ha..i guess Vincent did not know..when he picked me and jinfa up he went 'who wants to drive first' and since Jinfa din know how to drive at all, it was me..ha..and dig this, we were NOT on the carpark..we were on the road..ha..so fun..

So basically, Vincentt din know what he was getting into, and i was just jumping for the chance to drive..ha..so i drove us around the campus..luckily that day there were less drivers around so it was easier to drive. Just had to have a few quick lessons on blind spots, changing lanes, traffic lights, turns..that was it..ha..the only real scare was when i was on the road at 35 mph and was required to make a turn at a traffic light..i assumed that since it was green i din need to slow, so i made the turn at 30 mph..hah..freaked Vincent and Jinfa out..ha..kena scolded for that..ha..but never made the mistake again..

then we went on to parking..which obviously went bad, cos it was my first time parking..ha..keep aiming for a lot, and the when turned, it was a different lot..ha..

The second time was just now..ha..totally cooll..learned for 2 hours..which is good..hopefully i can get it into permanent memory on how to drive..ha..yepp..this time driving on the road was no problem at all..just needed another eye to help me watchout for speed limits, stop signs, humps, hazards[pedestrians] and remind me on signalling..ha..which i always did very late, if ever at all..

And changing lanes..ha..din realise that when i check blind spots my whole body was turning with the wheel..ha..so by the time i finished checking i was halfway across the lane le..ha..

And parking was SO SO So much better now..cos got shao and Vincent simulate the cones and car so i can gauge where i need to go..rather than turn on gut feel..ha..

And since for the test we are given a generous amount of space to park, i can breathe easy and take the test soon like maybe after another 2 more driving experience..ha..cool manz..that'll be a total bonus! hah..

ENDLINE! haha..finally

Dear all..

My midterm madness have finally ended..ha..makes me feel stupid that i spent so much time over it and getting all stressed over it..ha..i tink it's a bit of overkill..but never hurts to be safe than sorry right? ha..

Anyway, so far, i'm still looking forward to 3 almost perfect exam, and one quite shakey religion MCQ paper..ha..yepp..fruits of my labour..

Kinda tinking about it, i'm actually a student..as in, when people ask me what do i work as, i'm working as a student..as in, i'm in college, and i'm earning my keep while doing so..and the work i do is to maintain my GPA. ha..almost as bad as work itself, but hey, college is where it all starts right?

Haha..

Anyway, i've got my own beginners violin, and set myself up for lessons every tuesday starting 2nd december (25USD a lesson that is half hour...ouch!) at 6:30 - 7PM. Ha..kinda excited, but now i have no idea what posture is correct for a violin, and how to hold the bow..ha..but i kinda figure out how to get the notes out..ha..just need practice and proper teaching..ha..not like guitar can anyhow anyhow pia from internet..ha..

yepp..and turns out that i AM going to learn somewhat driving over the break! hah..we'll see if i can actually finish learning and get liscense while i'm here..or else when i come back i will go to driving school..ha..my aim is still to get a car when i start working! hah..

which means i will have to learn driving, and learn MANUAL driving[failing which then i will get an auto transmission car] ha..so much for my plans for the future..ha..

Yepps..so i'm really chill right now, playing diner dash..ha..trying to look for more games to play cos i'm bored..and play my guitar..ha..yepps.

*chill*

and probably i wil NOT take spring school this year..or ever..i kinda mapped everything out, i should be able to complete comfortably in 3 years or less..ha..so there..no need for a spring school [what difference will 1 module make anyway?] yepp..so Gambatte! i will just take full 16 credit load every semester! and hopefully i will have some time leftover to take a couple of religion class for fun too..ha..

Yeppz..so to all whom i have 'scared' with the 'i probably will take spring school' idea, i apologise..now i 'probably will NOT take spring school'..haha..yepp..so there..but the option is still open to take spring school in my third year so that anyone who wants to visit and see Ann Arbor can do so and bunk in with me..ha..

Yea..so there..gonna enjoy nuahing my holidaze away! hah..take care yawl!

-endz-

Insecurities

Dear all,

Ha..finally..i guess now i am about to reveal something that i may have never considered admitting..

Insecurities..wonder how many people actually have that, but do not mention it to other people..

Insecurities..wonder how many things in life can I actually be insecure about..

Insecurities..wonder what i can do to get back that sense of security again..

Insecurities..i suppose it comes with growing up and being responsible for your own actions..

For most parts of my life, i haven't lived. That goes the same for everyone i suppose, but really, i wonder, how much of my life have i lived..kinda late to say that now that i've already gone maybe 1/4 of the way [wah..really ambitious! ha]

I really haven't lived..haven't made decisions for myself..everything seemed to just come by and i just pluck them right from the sky. Not trying to say that i am not thankful for them, or i should consider people who are not as lucky as i am, but that's not the point. I am thankful for all the blessings in my life, my friends, my confidantes and my 'achievements'.

But i still haven't lived..

Come to think about it, what are some of my ambitions? To be a role model[far from it], to mature [old liao..not yet there..haiz], to be popular[not really...ha..]..still remember when i was a kid when i wanted to be a lawyer for no better reason than because Atticus Finch [from 'To Kill A Mocking Bird] was one], and to be a good father [because Atticus was one too], to be a SNAG [Sensitive New Age Guy, cos i watched the drama..], to be a hero in our age [role model..making sacrifices for other's sake]..to be who i can be..

And lately i've added to these 'goals': to care for people, to share what i have [my blessings] with people, and be spiritual[way far far from it] and to know Him more and to truly be a son of God. To learn the guitar [far from it too..but the passion is dying down], and now to learn violin, to drive, to complete my studies, to visit my friends, to be back home where i can sweat profusedly, to start working and buy my own car, to live a jap/korean drama-like life where i get to work, knock off, go for drinks with a close friend, have romantique experience with some nice girl in my life, then later get married, have children, teach them to grow up living their lives, and complete my life at a ripe old age surrounded by loved ones..

Kinda scary to list out my life goals in one paragraph. kinda empty too..wonder how those people who have pages upon pages of autobiography written about their lives managed to do that..what wonderful people they must have been to have been written about. and my life is just going to sparkle for a few moments and die off. Just like that..

Then i will finally find out who God is and how is God like. Wonder if i can get to know him while i'm still here..

Frankly, i've been doing loads of thinking about my own religion. wonder if i HAD made a wrong choice doing this religion class..In a basic sense, i find that the knowledge i glean is meaningful, that i learn a lot, in fact, got to know who Jesus really was like, what He did and what he DID NOT do..but at the same time, i got to know how people can write about him and pervert how he lived his life to fulfill their own goals and agendas. and how later people can read the same literature and text and derive totally different meanings from it. and honestly, while it is all fascinating, it starts to build a seed of doubt, where i truly reconsider what i know to be true. Or what we all consider to be truth.

I for one, cannot bring myself to blindly believe. I cannot bring myself to 'unlearn' what i have now, and i believe the truth will not be diminished with what i have learnt, even though it casts a different light on it. So God, if you are reading this right now, i will admit that i may be a little more bit unteachable, but i also know that you are patient and that both you and I have all eternity to learn about each other. So i dun believe you are pestering me to rush in my belief. Or IF you ARE, then you'd know what it takes to convince me too. Maybe that is really what i need..

Insecurities..like i said, i haven't really lived most of my life. People made decisions for me, or influenced me enough to do so. The only major decision i made is where i am for my future studies. Even the fact that i am going abroad for studies seem to be decided for me by someone else. Ha..so much for making THAT decision. I only got to choose where to go..big deal..

Insecurities..who i am? why am i doing things? Why sometimes i believe God for a change for almost a year now and i still am not changed? Why sometimes i believed that one powerful service was going to be the turning point in my life where i get rid of something vile in my life, but it still lurks around? Why even when i tot i came half-way around the world 'fleeing' from that, it still follows me here?! ha..sounds scary? maybe it is..what kind of person am i really?

Insecurities..why do i procrastinate so? i have 2 midterms coming, 1 on monday evening, 1 on tuesday morning..and i am blogging now, and have wasted the whole saturady watching Jap drama[not regretting that tho..ha]..why do i disdain making the effort to plan out my studies for the next 3 years so that i will know what i have to do? why do i freakin don't want to make my academic advising appointment? [luckily i dun need that one to register for classes tho..ha..]

Insecurities..why do i tink about girls ? [muahahaha] why do i tink about playing my NWN games, only to tire of it after an hour? why do i hermit in my room for a whole day, decline to watch the 'game of the century' [michigan vs ohio in football], decline to go Stucchi's for icecream, and keep imagining that some1 knocked on my door?

Haha..guess that is enuff to confuse you guys what i am talking about..ha..kinda raving about everything and nothing there..indulge me for a moment kay? you guys take care too!

-end-
and the purpose to life is?

Too Long never blog le..ha..paisei

Dear all,

This is kinda an updating entry, so that you ppl actually see something new when you hit my blog..ha..and not just check whether got juicy news on the cbox or not..[where there ISN'T any juicy news of course]

Yepp..like i mentioned before, i'm in the middle of my midterms, just had one on monday, today is wednesday, and Mech Engine on friday, and Computing on coming monday, and Religion on coming tuesday..so it really does not let up, so i'll be trying to squeeeeze in little patches of prayer time to make sure that He is with me now..ha..

Actually kinda felt empowered last night as i was studying this mech engine chapter that i was originally qt blurr over..ha..and then in the afternoon i managed to breakthrough and grab the answer and the winning program [figuratively speaking] that managed to complete the project i was working on! ha..but it is a miracle by itself manz..

The project was originally due on monday, so i worked on it on sunday, and was satisfied with the program that i made, so i just left it as it is..then i heard a news that there was a amendment to the project so i was like cursing and swearing [again, figuratively speaking] and had to make my way to work on it again on tuesday evening, cos there was a time extension of a measly day to work on it. Turns out that my program was NOT PERFECT!!!! ha..in fact it had such a huge error in it that it took me another hour to model my program to output exactly what the prof's one did. Ha..so the time extension that i was cursing/pissed about turned out to be a miracle from God..ha..Thank God..and after that, i got my breakthrough in understanding the ridiculously 'riddle-like' question that was attached to the project, which if i had not gotten it, our group of 'Singapore-allied-coalition against Falk' [Falk is the prof] would have taken another hour figuring it out..ha..

yepp..so all in all, this is a pretty trying period, but God is still with me, He has granted me another victory in Math 216, and several other minor victory through other people around me whom i helped in math [like i helped them study math, then i hear about their paper and i get the feeling of satisfaction..hmmm..maybe i should consider being a tuition teacher..hah..]

But i tell you guys, God is seriously working through many people around us. For example, i can just look and XiaoYan and just be impressed at her learning rate; she only took 3 days of cramming and i was able to bring her up to step with the rest of the class, and Lynn who basically gritted her teeth and tahan through the harsh study hours with us, and fought a un-ending battle against her stomach flu which is a terrible experience if you haven't ever had one before. Man..just look at these 2 powerful girls i just feel that 1 -i'm so lucky that i'm not in their shoes and 2- that i wonder if i would have done as well if i WERE in their shoes..seriously, having them near is good in the sense that i can see and learn from them sia..ha..must gambatte for my mech engine le..ha..can't lose to them can i? ha..or else they can go look for another math Shi Fu le..ha..kidding..you 2 rawk!

and of course my dear small group, all cool dudes who basically make my life here a more 'american' experience, or else i would just be hanging around the singaporean bunch..ha..yepp..you guys rock too! and the sharing you guys are prepared to do..man..i just feel so insignificant and uncontributive in small group! ha..all i can do is to contribute some insights i have about the bible..which comes to a little problem i realised recently..

I've come to a realization that my faith have been built completely on my knowledge of what happened. For example, I can confess truthfully that Jesus was crucified around 30-40 CE by Pontius Pilate, that he taught the coming of the Kingdom of heaven, and he DID perform several acts of miracles that people find difficult to explain [healings] and he was a social liberator of women and kids, and he loved people. Theologically, i believe that He bore our sins on the cross, that he actually called his disciples not only to join him, follow him, but to participate in the cup of bitterness that he was partaking. That we are not only to respect/worship him for bearing our sins on that cross at Calvary, that we were INVITED to join him on the cross, that we were meant to be there too, all for the salvation of the common good.

But believing does not translate to doing, and while i can preach, i can give insights to the bible better than most people [i guess] i'm not all that hot about doing it myself..like several stuff i can point out to people but once they look at me, i seriously dun think that they can see a role model in me..which is what bugs me..does that make me hypocritical? so that's what i admire when i see someone preaching, not because i don't have their insights/knowledge, but because of their courage to put their lives out in view and scrutiny of people, and risk being criticised when they meet their moments of weakness. It is scary, and even scarier if people brand you as hypocritical when you are doing the good of pointing out what is righteous to their eyes. Whether they believe it or follow it is up to their sense of what is righteous anyway. Why should the life of the one to point it out be a concern?

For example, if a criminal told you to love one another, but he is guilty of a devious crime of hate, would you just throw away his words as hypocritical words, or would you just absorb what he says, cos it is true and righteous to love one another? Maybe we should consider everything we see and hear, and absorb it according as how it applies to ourselves, rather than be outward looking for justifications.

hah..guess that is a rather long update too..ha..hope you guys are still reading this blog! hah..love you guys..what would i do with this blog?! ha..Praise God! Whoever you are!

-endz- God does not care who you are or what you did; When you meet Him in heaven, He will give you a secret name and a new identity in Him! (go read Revelations!) God forgives and forgets all!

Being the servant

Dear all,

This is kinda a followup to someth i blogged about before..

Anyway, we had a great small group discussing about Jesus's act of washing the disciple's feet. Which is a fantastic thing that would just blow your mind if you tink about it.

Just think about it..Symbolically, washing of the feet is like washing you off of your sins that you have incurred on a day to day basis [because we are still human and prone to sins] so we still need the forgiving grace of God and Jesus to mediate on our behalf and wash us clean again. We do not need to be washed all over again [as Peter wanted] simply because that had been done for already by Jesus dying on the cross. But we will still need to continually allow Christ to cleanse us off our subsequent 'smaller' sins, just as the disciples' feet may still get dirty from walking outside despite their baths.

But on the other hand, although we need Christ to wash our feet for us[or we will have no part in Him] the act in itself is mind boggling because here you see the Master humbling himself, stripping himself down to servant-cloth [as in the gospel story] and kneeling before a seated disciple to wash his feet. What makes it possible for Christ to do that for us, Christ, who is the messiah of peace and of the Kingdom of God, the son of God to bend before you to wash you off your filth?

Spirit of servitude.

To Jesus, He knew what needed to be done, and that need outweighed whatever that his flesh may complain about, his dignity or pride. Be not fooled, because Jesus still had his bearing and grace and everything about him as he did so; he was not acting like a servant - he merely did what the servant needed to do. So to Jesus, his motivation was to do what needed to be done. Not for the gratitude of the disciples, not to a self-serving mindset of having people depend on him, but He saw what had to be done [in God's eyes/plan] and He did it.

So i guess that sheds a new light on my philosophy of helping people. I guess now it's more of seeing what needed to be done, and doing it, and thinking less of how my pride or dignity or need while doing so.

Hope you guys learnt as much as i have from this little small group meeting as I did. = P

Photos (snowy snow!)

Haha...dear all..i just realised that i can connect my handphone to my laptop like my camera! ahha..so here it is..my first failed attempt to make a mini-snowman..ha..
it's smaller than my palm..you could do it at home with a ice kachang machine too..ha..i guess it has to be huge to look nice..ha..

And it isn't nearly as cold as last time..this time the snow falls slowly like in Korean drama..ha..MY GIRL! haha..exactly like that..so there..glad i could share this miracle of God with you ppl..Take care!

_Endz_

Snowing!!! Whee!!

Dear all,

Once again, i apologise for having to tantalise you ppl with words that really cannot describe the bliss i am feeling right now..hah..cos my camera was thirsty for cola it went ahead without my permission and is now out of commission so there will be little or no photo updates on my blog..haha..

Anyway, just a quick update so you ppl know what i am up to nowadays since i hardly replied emails, or blogged, or went on MSN either..ha..like i disappeared from the internet..

Yepp..i HAVE been rather busied by the computing projects that came up..rather difficult projects that demanded several hours of my time for a few days..haiz..shan't talk bout that..but rest assured that i managed to complete them satisfactorily that i still can expect an A for my computing class..hah..hopefully..getting back a paper later and a project grading too..wish me luck!

AND midterms are coming again in 2 weeks..right now i start with an awareness of when it is, then hopefully procrastination dun sink in and i start to ignore that awareness..ha..pray that i will study for it..

AND dear jojomama had to blog about this fantastic korean drama, and i HAD to watch it on youtube cos Bleach 101 have not come out yet..and now i'm stuck on the korean drama..ha..'My Girl' is FANTASTIQUE! go watch on youtube! i wun spoil the joy of watching it by giving it a review..but it is great! hah..really feel like adopting a little sister and taking care of her lo..hah..hmmm..budden i already have a lil sis..haha..yepps..will take care of you when i get the chance to! ha..

Yes yes..that's like my passion nowadays..to rush back from a crazy class, then chill in my room watching the drama..ha..and the main character happen to have her birthday on snowy days..which leads me to the topic of this entry..

It SNOWED! IS SNOWING! haha..been looking forward to it for very long le..since 2 weeks ago it snowed, it hadn't snowed at all..then last 2 days was warm [like 20 degrees i say it's warm le..my body thermometer is spoiled le..] and then was totally caught unaware yesterday as temperature plunged, and today it's (-3) to (5) degrees celsius..ha..and precipitation!

It's still totally cool..like i was telling Jinfa, i could just stand in the cold and stare at the snow coming down..this time it was floating down to the surface..and i was seriously trying to catch a snowflake now and then with my hands, then marvel at it melting in my hands..or just looking at the shape of the snowflake..always tot they were lying when they said that snowflakes had a very unique crystalline structure..IT"S TRUEE! haha..

Yepp..and even now when i was waiting for the bus in the cold with many people around, i was like facing the biting cold wind and staring at the snow..i actually wonder if people were staring at me watching the snow, cos i must've got my jaw dropped while watching or someth..hah..i am really THAT marvelled by snow..like a child seeing a miracle..

And Jinfa said someth that kinda made sense, when i mentioned that i could watch snow fall down forever.

'people here will see you watching snow like we see some dude in singapore watching rain and marveling at it'

which brings the question how much we actually take things for granted. Like how someth that can be so sacred, be sullied by the fact that it became routine and 'normal'..If you think about it, even rain is freakin difficult to simulate using human means, like some pilot had to fly up there, look for a rain cloud, and then seed it with chemicals..you get the idea..and God can just make it rain at His command. Or how it is impossible to survive on earth if there were no sun..how rain can mean life to people possibly living in the desert where it rains once a year during the 'rain season'[duh], and of course, how marvellous snow can mean to someone like me who never saw snow in his life before..

How easily we can take things around us for granted. How easily God's blessing can be ignored and treated as commonplace when it could be very coveted by another person. How about peace in politics, food on the table, warmth in your living place, internet connection, phone connection, clothing..etc..

And do you know how much it'll mean to me to actually feel really warm? like right now, when i drink a cup of warm tea or coffee it's like us drinking a cold milk shake in Singapore? and the fact that you never really feel warm in a place like this even with heating in your room [the temp is like forever 20+ max lo..like airconditioning back at home] ha..whining about stuff here abit..

But my point is not the whining..dear all, please, at least for today, make a mental note of what things are really commonplace to you, and think about how it could mean to someone else who isn't in your shoes..pray about it..give thanks and be thankful. For it will definitely mean someth to God to acknowledge the blessings that He is trying to bring into your life, except you don't recognise it..It will please His heart and give Him a warmy lovey dovey feeling to know that His efforts are appreciated..Wouldn't you want to make your Heavenly Father feel that? Take a moment now, just a second of the whole day that He has given you, reflect back, and give thanks for this day, that He has given to you.

-endz- Snow WHEE day! haha..thank God