Accepting Grace

Dear all,

I started this day really well, woke up on time, had my usual Nora Roberts book [hidden riches] and was enjoying a sumptious breakfast at Markley cafeteria alone [chocolate pancakes, potato bits, scrambled eggs, orange juice..yumm..]

And i met my friend Nick who's is also with me in the New Life Church small group that gathers on thursdays. Now, last thursday we received a 'challenge' or 'homework', to give a complete stranger 1USD. The catch was that the person had to be a complete stranger, and we were supposed to do that, and then remember/journal down his/her reaction, and then give a report on it on thursday..

Okay..so what was that about? hah..i had no idea..but when the two of us sat down together, i brought up the topic and we were going "are yoOU gonna do it now?" ..then we came to a conclusion that now's as good a time as any, and if we din do it, we'd end up not doing it and tomorrow's thursday. So we plucked up our feathers and spotted our targets..ha..

Anyway, my target was a nice pretty blonde who just sat down with breakfast alone. [my focus was on the point that she was having breakfast alone, and that she JUST came for breakfast..not that she was a pretty blonde] and i went up to her, said hi, good morning..introduced myself, and went straight to the point..i left a dollar bill on her textbook and said, "i would like you to have this."

Her immediate reaction was "why?" and gave me a persplexed look.

"I just want you to have it" i replied, remembering what Kevin [the small group leader] told us.

She went like a very tough deliberation that lasted 10 seconds, wondering if i had ulterior motives, then she concluded that i couldn't have any, and said a simple "thank you."

And i seriously cannot remember what i said then, but i remembered going back to my table, feeling awesome and cool and everything..ha..and i din nontice if she was staring at me after that cos my back was to her, but Nick's guy was staring his way for a while..hah..it was great, but i still did not understand the whole point to it, except maybe to start some kinda blessing thing going around [what goes round comes around..]

It isn't until a short while ago that i got my answer..I saw a pink slip in my mailbox, meaning to say i had a big package to pick-up at the front desk. I checked it, half hoping that it was my mom, cos i really need my contact lenses right now, but no..it was from Christine..and for what reason i had no idea, cos i had just received a mail package from her, and i wondered why she had to send mail in such quick succession.

Found out in my room that it was my 21st birthday package, complete with 21 various stuff to occupy my time with, keep me partially warm, and accessorise myself..not gonna tell you wad exactly was in there, but that pretty much summarised it.

The main point is that while i was rifling through the stuff, the thoughts that were going through my head was that why had she gone to the expense to do all these stuff? [why all romance serials? ok..ok..i get it..i love romance serials anyway..ha..gd of you to remember that] but the point is i was quickly and negatively 'rejecting' the gift..like wondering what wierd thing was going through her mind, and what she was thinking, what kind of reaction she was trying to get me to give..then i went to the toilet..

I tell you, God always talks to me in the toilet. ha..anyway, it dawned upon me that it's all part of the bigger lesson that God wanted me to learn. "To accept Grace"

Just like i was wondering this morning when i prepared to give that 1USD. How would the person take it? would it be a 'what the hell are you trying to say? that i'm hard up for a dollar?' or some other kind of nasty rejection that would humiliate me. and the truth is that there is some kinda rejection displayed on her face when i gave that dollar bill..things went through her mind about what i was trying to do, what other motives i could possibly have, when all i had was to give her the dollar.

Similarly, here dear Christine was just trying her best to give me a good 21st birthday present and here i am wondering the same things, rejecting her gift with bad thoughts and resentments. [i confess it all..guilty as charged].

How many times have God given us grace in so many ways, and all we did was to reject it, cos we deemed ourselves undeserving of it? I tell you, if some1 on the streets was giving 1million dollars to strangers, most people would not take it cos they would wonder if there was a catch to it, or that it was too good to be true. But sometimes it isn't; God, in his infinite grace, has offered us a gift that is so precious that nothing in the world can equal it; His fellowship and love. And several fringe blessings that comes along the way. And He gives it to us freely; not by our deeds or worth, but by His grace. Isn't that what we learnt when we first received our salvation?

And i tell you, dear readers, that God is ready/willing to bless you today with whatever that you need. All you have to do it to thank Him for it, have faith and receive that gift! Learn to accept grace, learn to have faith in Him who always loves you and means well, and believe in His strength. Accepting grace is a difficult thing to do, in this world where everything is valued by worth and effort; people cannot believe in free lunches. But we must all learn that it is always more blessed to give than to receive, but in receiving you are allowing the giver to give! if you reject every attempt at blessing you, you are in fact denying that generous soul from reaping his reward!! so i hope that everyone reading this can start now to develop an attitude of accepting grace when it is offered, and say 'thank you' to it.

-Endz- sermon 1 on accepting grace..haha..lousy sermon with no bible reference..sorrie lorr..it's really off the hook i came up with this..hee..hope you enjoy this entry..

Reintroducing myself

Dear all,

Ha..i realise that with more new subscribers i'd better re-iterate the purpose of this blog..as well as to re-initialise or re-pledge myself to the original purpose of this blog.

If i still remember it correctly, this blog is meant to act as my online diary (Duhh..) ha..but it's a diary in which i dedicate the entries to God, giving thanks for all the grace that He has given me, the revelations he has given, the love that he shower upon me through people around me, as well as the events that transpire in my life. The sole purpose of this blog is to give thanks to Him for all the great things that he has put in my life, as well as to entrust unto him any disappointment that i have encountered [even if the disappointments are due to Him..oops..]

Yepp..with that out of the way, perhaps i will be able to blog with more heart and purpose right now..

First of all, i do not recall that i have thanked God for all the blessings that i received when i arrived here..so here goes..i really wanna thank God for so many blessings that He have given me.

Internally, this shift in location signifies a new start for myself; i confess that i do have hidden sins that i am not privy to reveal..haha..so there..but this is a fresh start that i am thankful for, especially when God has been so graceful, forgiving me 77 x 7 times when i was unfaithful with His will. so over here i hoped to find a new start where i can wipe clean the slate i have and start over, and bask in His love and forget the old sins. And i really wanna thank God for empowering me through my interaction with people around, through the presence of Godly people around me especially, and of course for His promise that He would still be with me even if i left my spiritual powerbase [E240]. He has fulfilled his end of the deal so far, so right now i really wanna pray for that i will be able to stay strong and keep my end of the deal..lest i lapse into darkness again..haha..[fall to the darkside..hee..playing KOTOR now..ha..gamers joke]

Speaking of which, i really wanna thank God for the people He has placed me in, or people he has placed with me..either way..Just when i felt that i was having a shrinking circle of close friends in Singapore, even more so when i had to leave the group of friends i've grown closer to [once again, E240], God has given me another bunch of companions to be crazy with, crazy mugging with, crazy having fun with, crazy eating with, crazy laughing with..i have never really been popular with people, only merely accepted wherever i was, but not well-liked ..here i believe i am accepted as well..ahha..but i really wanna thank God for this bunch of bananas i hang around! [haha.banana grow in bunches wad..haha.] NUAH BANANAs !! haha..

Yupp..on top of that, i believe that God has not placed me in this group of people by chance. That i was worried about the lack of christian fellowship when i came over here is no secret; and He had to emplace me with a group of 3 girls who are all christians..ha..and that God opened up several churches over here for me to CHOOSE FROM ! haha spoiled for choice..then God introduced me to great people like Michelle [cell leader for H20 small group] and Kevin [cell leader for NewLife small group]. People of God who are realy committed to doing his work in the campus ministry. totally awesome God we serve. and He has even given me chance to share my views and thoughts and revelations to people! ha..so i really feel challenged over here, no problems there..Only one more thing i'm believing God for, and that's for a quiet time slot amidst the crazy time schedule i have that is bound to change in the next half hour..ha..yepp..that's the only problem i have right now..

Haha..i'm really a prooouud member of the Nuah Bananaz haha..ha..shall not divulge who we are..but i tink we're pretty obvious le..hee..

meanwhile, i'm really having a blast here..ha..minor setbacks like broken specs frame, aching back, and lousy Project1 & Project0 grades ain't fazing me, cos i'm living off the book that Dr. A R Bernard wrote..ha..dun let things in life get you down..you have the choice whether it affects your demeanor or not..as long as i believe in God and His purpose and will i will be fine..ha..staying strong here..

And of course i wanna thank God for Christine and YeHui, and Daphne and Joanne and Hanzhong..for keeping me in your minds, that i still occupy a bit of space in the back of your minds so i will be able to be remembered when i return to Singapore..haha..yepp..thanx for keeping me still plugged into E240! ha..grow strong together and SHINE! take care yawl!

-Endz- Thank God constantly and give Him praise!

Finally..my laptop..

Dear all,

I know it's been so long since..but i had to stop..or else i woulda bored you all to tears with only words..haha..anyway, since this is back dated, let me indulge myself in re-describing what i remember of my first day in Michigan..

hAHA..And i realise i have mentioned that before..haha..but i juz could not resist being 'tourist' and taking photos on the way..haha..then wenjie was bringing me around the place cos he came here a few days earlier..then i tried to take a photo of myself and the tower [can't remember who it's named after] and managed to catch Wenjie unwittingly in the background..heehee..yepp..tourist indeed..

The next shot was taken when we went to Meijers, which is a very very large super market that boast of the best prices for almost everything..haha..yess..super cheap compared to everywhere else..haa..which means only here the stuff are reasonable priced..except for some things like the photo pictures are ex..which i bought..sigh.and i bought my comforter [blanket] and bed sheets and necessities [which included 2 large pillows, 1 main pillow, and a fan..ha..haven't been back since..ha..anyway, back to the shot, it's taken at the super large carpark that is outside the super large super market and i just happened to see this beautiful sunset and i tried to capture it..

Basically you can see my lousy photog. skills, and the nice sunset glow, the fact that street lights everywhere in the world destroy the picture, and a candid shot of a dear friend of the clique of girls i happen to be in now..haha..so this is Xiao Yan talking to some1 i cannot immediately imagine..ha...yepp..that was the first day i met Xiao Yan and Lora..haha..didn't even talk much..i just knew that she stayed in my hall, and Lora stayed near our hall..then we decided to share cab back..haha..after the shopping actually they were trying to catch bus back..budden i bought too many stuff le..and i cannot imagine them fitting in the bus with their stuffs too..so i convinced them to take the cab..haha..so that's the beginning of this great friendship/fellowship/muggership..haha..yepp..so this is xiao yan who commented on my blog one week ago..[gosh..so long since i updated? paisei..]

yepp..the third photo is something i'm proud of..haha..not that i made it..but STARBUCKS COFFEE!!!! haha..and you know the sizes of the coffee in singapore goes up to Grande, here they go up to Venti! haha..coffee galore for me! and it's cheaper than in Singapore! haha..value for money i mean..haha..yepp..and this was a venti vanilla latte i bought from the first starbucks store i found here..hee..and i drank it within an hour..haha..RAAWWRRSS..GGREEEEAAATT..In case i haven't already mentioned in my blog, i've become some sort of a coffee addict here already..like i go through the day with very low energy level if i dun have my morning coffee..haha..and last night i drank decaf at night and i really nearly KOed..haha..coffee addicted me..

The next shot is of the law quad hall..sigh..so sad it ain't my hall..it's very beautiful!!! I promise the next time i blog again i will feature the law library..which is very HARRY POTTER! which is very cool..haha..they even have the garden where Harry potter fought with the tree with the dangling limbs..haha..yepp..very very nice..funny..esp when Christine was asking me about the housings here whether they look like harry potter buildings or not..well, the answer is that most of the buildings here are newer looking, some modern buildings, but some retain their history and look..like this one..haha..will show more next time..

and the last pic is of my table..haha..wanted to show my bed, but next time la..can only have 5 pictures per entry..hee..anyway, this is my table, E240 can see your picture there on my table? haha..tink about you guys sometimes man..and daph's poster..and can even see the cookie jar of cookies that Christine made for me [the cookie jar that had me stopped at the customs twice..but the cookies are great..haha..i tink you improved a lot since the last time you made these stuffs..hah..very good..hee..i'm still keeping one in my jar so i remember what was inside..haa..like a 'sacred cookie' lidat..ho ho..

Yepp..that's it for the photo updates so far..hopefully i will be able to get candid shots of the girls i hang around so you ppl can drool and envy me..haha..kidding la..actually i jealous lei..i hang around them so much i never got a nice photo with them, but some other guys already had a photo with the whole bunch of them lo..haha..lol..kidding kidding..yepp..now that i have my laptop i will strive to become more camera-trigger-happy..so watch out! world!

-Endz- Haha..kinda pointless entry but hope you guys enjoy the update!

God i need strength

Hi guys!

Gosh..it's been awhile since i updated this..well, for starters, my laptop ain't coming anytime soon cos of some credit card problems, so i'll probably still not be on MSN unless i just so happen to be on my friend's computer.

I guess that things are starting to cool off a bit..hah..not having as much fun sessions as i have mugging sessions, and later today i'm gonna be a hermit for a while and 'pia' my homeworks, then go on to practice more math problems..i figure if i get back to the feel of doing math problems i should have an easier time with both my math and Mech-engine classes..not to mention in the future when i take more technical courses..

Just had another session at H20 campus ministry, and the pastor is talking about communities in China! haha..felt really wierd cos he was commenting that the meals people have in China is very community based and close knitted and he was saying that's how the church should be too..He was touching on a bit of the hippie culture that America went through, and how while the church rejected them, God didn't and in fact the Spirit of God moved so strongly through them that hundreds and thousands of them came to Christ and made a difference! yup..definitely so many things that we could learn..And i talked to the pastor Neno, who is a young thirty-ish man with a loving wife and several kids and he was talking to me how God has moved him to reach out to China, and that he firmly believes that China and asia is the next place that the Spirit of God is going to move. Which is totally in line with what Pastor Kong and everyone has been talking about..And Neno really share's his testimony on the pulpit..last week he shared about his family-love, now he shared his testimony of how he was back before he came to Christ and we can all see who he is after knowing Him. I guess this is a really great place for me to take root and grow so people, you can stop worrying about me now..hee..i'm glad i kept coming back to this campus ministry and find out how it was really like.

One thing that bothered me was that last night i had a 'fierce' discussion about how a christian life should be..i guess it was my fault and i probably misrepresented City Harvest Church a bit by painting us out to be perfectionist and high achievers which led to a misconception that we believe that people could only serve God's will by being successful in your selected field of profession..

Anyway, if you are reading in on this, i hope i can have a chance to elaborate on what i really meant.

God has a purpose for everyone of us. Given the fact that God is our creator and we are His handicraft, and the fact that God never creates without a purpose in mind, we can take for granted that God has a destiny and a purpose in mind for us all. And success in life [as a christian] is really all about how you measure according to the plan that He gave. If you truly believe and let God guide you through your life, you WILL be successful and you WILL be 10x more greater than the next person who isn't a believer. [spelt out in Daniel 1:20] but the thing is, the other point is that sometimes people undergo through difficulty in life too, like going through broken families, becoming a teenage delinquent, or going through a phase in life that's filled with drugs, partying, orgies..that is true. But if you go through it and stop believing that God will take you out of it, or that God has a purpose for you to go through that, you will be stuck there, and not be able to be a testimony for Him..

People go through tough times, but God intends to take us out of it too, so that we may encourage others who are going through the same. But the key is that you have to get through it! If God ever let anything bad happen to you, do not take it as a fact that God intends for it to stay that way! In Job, when God was 'tricked' to bring disaster to Job, God never intended for it to stay that way! He intended to test Job's faith and courage and trust in His strength! Job is supposed to continue to profess his faith in the Lord and salvation from Him! but imagine if he had stayed in that slump and never got out of it..He'd be just a poor bloke that happened to get on the wrong side of God's favor. Does this make sense?

And God is always faithful even when we are not...He never lets a temptation come by that we cannot handle, and nothing we meet in life we cannot handle..Cos He knows what will come and God has faith in us that we can overcome it [with His strength!] God has faith in US! so what's stopping us from having faith in God that whatever happens, God will turn it around in our favour? Take strength from this and dwell on it..and i'll always be happy to tell you how God wills for us to do well in this lifetime and be a testimony and influence other people to come to know Him better..Being a christian is not about being successful in life, or just about being pure of heart and righteous. It's about having a relationship with God, recognising that He has done great things in your life, and finding out in your own way how you can return that love [for He first loved us]

But i just wanna pray to God for strength now..Last night when i had this 'argument/discussion' i was afraid for a moment..cos i realise where my friend was coming from and i cannot readily identify with that..i try, but some part of me actually fear that some part of what she says may stay with me sub-consciously. and i shivered for the first time since coming to ann arbor and since i felt cold..like the protection of God has lifted from me and that i'm left on my own [or it's just that weather is turning for the colder] But i just wanna pray for strength from the Lord..I admit i have not been doing quiet time for a while, but i know for a fact that sometimes i grow closer to Him by seeing how He's working in this part of the world, learning more about His life and praying to Him short prayers when my mind is idle. But most of all, i need strength; i need conviction and confidence and i need the Holy Spirit to be with me when i need you, because right here sometimes i find that i need to give mini-sermons to share what City Harvest Church is doing in Singapore and Asia; our values and our belief of how Christian life should be..Even though i never profess that all christians should identify with us, but i seek that people understand us and agree that it's a good cause/goal..just as i believe that Catholics are doing a great thing keeping tradition and reaching out to the conservative groups in the world. I seek to be a man of peace, and i do not seek to create dissent or discord. So Holy Spirit, guide me and give me words in my mouth and mind that i may be able to guide people to a better understanding of who You are to me.

Amen.

-Endz-

Aftermath..of 3 straight lectures..

Dear all,

Firstly i would like to apologise for not updating this blog for so long..seems to me that i have gained web-hits for not doing any work, so i'd better be updating something or else i will lose subscribers! haha..no..kidding..

Originally i intended to update only after i got my laptop so that i could upload pictures too, but apparently my laptop decides to come in only on the sept 11th, so i'd better do something now..

ANYWAY, i'm still not under stress yet..ha..perhaps being away too long from studying actually did me some good in making me feel like i'm just absorbing information, and not really under stress to excel in studies..of course, i still have to maintain a 3.8 GPA which means i absolutely cannot get a B in any courses..ha..and i dun intend to do so this semester..ohwells..stress will come later..

But luckily enough i seem to have sufficient prior knowledge in most of my classes to be able to slide myself back into schooling again..so no worries there..and i have no idea why i am typing in perfect spoken english here..aargh...RAAWWWRSS<<>><<>>

Yess..this feels so much better..haha..anyway, people [singaporeans] are trying very hard with the accent here..think it's pretty funny that we really try to fit in so much and then we have americans so interested to know how to speak singlish..haha..yup, but i still speak singlish over here with my pals so no worries..i can switch easily..tink i developed a accent that both americans can understand but singaporeans would not be unfamiliar to..haha..lol

ANYWAY..i've just checked my assignments [homework] and i am truly shocked..to you guys back home who are trying to finish the new testament by the end of the year, i tell you that I have to finish the 4 gospels by next tuesday, along with some readings that i have to do on some other text that portrays Jesus..Ha..thank God i've already finished one round of the Bible, but imagine if i hadn't..and pretty soon i'll have to go on to the apocrypha which includes the book of Tobi and everything..then got other texts..and THIS IS ONLY RELIGION 280! aarrgh! haha..

But i guess i'm knowledge hungry so i should be fine..but the killer is in mechanical engineering lecture! the professor speaks with a funny pattern! it's not the accent but his mannerism and speech pattern! cannot understand what he is talking about! and the math! aargh..lucky i already know what he is talking about so i can figure out..but wait til he moves to something i haven't already learnt..ha..

And also, i'm having cell group meeting later on in my hall..ha..the leader is one year younger i tink..hah..but we'll see how it goes..i've found a comfortable 'assembly of God' church which is actually a campus outreach called H20 which i mentioned before..Prior to that, on sundays i think i will ALSO attend another methodist church[esp if my friends are going too] cos it's rather interesting and i kinda like the stuff they talk about - the preaching..ha..the last time i went the pastor was talking about the song of solomons..something we hardly mention back in City Harvest Church. It seems to be a rather sensual/romantic book in the bible and i had a lot of questions when i read through it..but according to the pastor, that book describes what God had in mind when He created mankind and a heart that seeks after companionship..it describes healthy love relationships that we could all learn from..

You guys all know me..always interested to know more about the bible and God's will and word..ha..never mind i have a heavy day on sunday of another round of lectures [haha..christianity 101] hee..but to E240, there is a very strong christian culture in ann arbor michigan as well as in the Singaporean community here..so really, God is with me here too, dun worry about me..just dun hang up my calls when i get back to singapore yah? i probably got a few friends i wanna bring to 'check out' out church too..hee..dun worry..city harvest church has a good representative in me..i'll be building our reputation amongst my friends here..i tink got several of them already commented that we are very forthcoming with our mission work and ministry..so great job, keep it up, and please do Sister Jaz a favour and try to organize some mission trips together [as in go together] yup..will definitely do you good too! ha..

Well, so far i'm still hanging out with a bunch of girls..haah..sounds so wrong..but i'm taking care of them so that they get back to their dorms safely [their all in the same estate area] and in return they take care of me and provide me breakfast in their dorm, and lend me their laptops when i need it..AND make sure i dun become a social hermit..haha..yup..even got dragged to a dance class with them..so ha..i'm really well taken care of..ha..symboitic relationship..it's a bunch of 4 girls and myself..[Jean, Lora, Xiao Yan and WenXin] all of them christian except WenXin but we talk about church stuff anyway..haha..and i'm initiating these kinda conversations cos i need inspirations to answer some people who asked me questions! haha..so i'm really in good company..dun ask me to switch to a more guyish community cos i probably operate better when i'm surrounded by girls in this sense..ha..and i wun be picking up drinking habits from them too right? haha..

Yup..guess that's pretty much for now..hope you guys are doing fine back there, and God bless you all!

-Endz- tired day..readings to do, assignments to rush..but still loving it! ha