Helping Spirit

Dear all,

Ha..i have someth to confess..

It's like some kinda 'flaw' or defect in me..somehow when i CAN help some1, i usually feel rather obliged to do so, and failure to do so would result in me feeling guilty when i go thinking 'Man, i coulda done someth about that..'

I tink it first started when i had this close friend, and when i felt like i was starting to know her pretty well, then at the end of the sec 3 year she suddenly told me that she was dropping Chemistry for her O level.

That was a shock..for me..i mean, i knew she wasn't doing fantastic for it, but i din know it was THAT bad..i started to wonder if i had been more concerned with her results and asked about it, if i had found out that she was struggling with academic studies, i could have offered help and allowed her to tide over the exams or someth..it was like a stark reminder that i should be more concerned about people around me..I took it literally as MY FAULT for allowing that to happen to a friend when i could've done something about it..

Now, dun go and tell me what i should be thinking, cos i KNOW all that..It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out tt eventually, all of us have to be responsible for our own choices in life, and I AM not responsible for what someone did not do..but then again, i know that, but i just don't operate that way.

So anyway, i've made adjustments to my tinking since then..so now, it is customary for me to be offering my service to almost everyone whom i can reach to, in ways that i can help, and if they don't take advantage of that, i'll start to think that 'hey, i offered, you just did not take it up..' so that justifies me when anyth happens. Pretty self centred/serving in a way, but i guess i AM offering my services in assistance anyway possible [i preety much go out of my way to do so..almost..unless it's ridiculous]..yea..so that's how i justify myself sometimes..and you cannot really expect me to jump into anyone's life and start changing stuff..it just ain't happening that way..

The second best way to help someone is to help when help is requested, and of course the best way is to help until no help is required [teaching them to learn instead of relying on me]

So to ppl out there who are wondering if you should take advantage of whatever i offer you, pls DO SO! or else i will feel guilty if someth happen to you that i could have prevented..ha..yepps..hah..all part of accepting grace..

-endz