Family

Kinda wierd that i would be blogging about this..

Had a really interesting conversation with a friend last night. She told me of how her family was like, or rather IS like [still is] but i'm referring to was because she was telling me how her family was when she grew up.

And i kinda felt a little weenie bit sad. Okay, i'll be honest. I am disturbed. Not because i did not have security, not because i wasn't loved enough. Just because it could have been so much more.

And I know i will sound very whiny and whimpy and everything..but hey, it IS my blog and i reserve the right to say anything on this blog without someone on the street shouting "Wimp!" to me..[and if that happens i will probably skin that person alive where he was standing..]

Anyway, I grew up in a stable family where there was always enough. I wasn't pampered too much to crave for material stuffs, i did not really need much money even though i DID spend all that i could lay my hands on, i learnt to play the piano, learnt to cycle [can't remember how tho], learnt how to fish [from dad], learnt moderation [tho i forgot about it while growing up..who doesn't?] and was provided for.

That being said, i have to admit that i'm not expressive, in the sense that i don't know how to express love very well. Love language is kinda 'in-built' and self meaningful in our family. For example, my mom loves by paying attention, and stepping in when she needs to. She loves by preparing great meals on special occasions sometimes, and occasionally just for no other reasons but to make everyone happy at meals. My Dad, i suppose, shows his love in the family by being the typical dad model, making sure everyone had their degree of freedom, everyone was well provided for, and he especially made time every saturday to take us all out on a dinner. My sisters are more enigmatic. Sometimes my elder sis shows her love by buying games that we both enjoy. My second sis would jio me to watch her favourite drama with her late in the night.

Me? I just live there..

Sometimes i wonder how i could be so selfish. Maybe it's part of being the youngest child. I kinda feel like i'm the one who is to be pampered [not that i enjoy it.] It's just that i dun feel like i'm in the position to be the pamperer. Namely cos i'm not working yet, cannot provide for anything, and i'm still the one who goes 'i want' tho not ALL that often. I spend my time in front of the computer, kill the cockroaches when they terrorize the house, fix light bulbs and try to install stuff on the computer.

Ain't that a tad sad?

I suppose, part of being a guy, it's really difficult to show emotions. Too well ingrained in the society is the idea of emotions as a sign of weakness. Well, guess what; it brought up one person who is too weak to show emotions! What this world does not lack is irony..

And when i see people who have close families i really envy them. Not because i dun have a family that loves me, but just that i have somehow shut them out while i was growing up. I really envy their closeness, the love i witness. Still remember when i saw Frank when he was leaving for NewYork for further studies. His whole family prayed for him at the airport! It was unthinkable [in the good sense] but it was done, and it does not make him a weak person, it made him strong with his family behind him.

And to you people out there who remember me ever saying that you are lucky to be so close to your family, i mean it. Treasure them.

To Dad and Mom [i know you read this sometimes] i hope you understand that i just don't express myself that easily [i tink you guys know this better than i do] and i do apologise that i do not talk to you two unless i really really needed to. I appreciate your presence in my life, the freedom you gave, and the times when you tried to teach me what is right. And i do hope that when you see me, you will find that you have done a good job of bringing me up.

To My sisters, Ha..you guys don't need to pamper me anymore..Grown up le..ha..thanks anyway..

Love you guys loads!