To God and friends

Dear all,

Haha..i just felt like i had to make this entry and spam about something that was bothering me..not that it was anything in particular, just that certain events that happened that made me think through things differently and i need to vent this frustration. If you're not interested you can skip on and go to the next entry..dun need you guys to read this if you dun wanna..i juz need to let it out..

I feel wierd..haha..just so disappointed at several things that's going on in my heart [nothing in reality disappointed me..haha..it's just me..] yepp..several thingey that disappointed me..

One thing is my lack of grasp of reality! i'm LEAVING in 2 weeks time! and i dun feel it happening yet! Even Tian Kai has already left and reached L.A already and i still dun feel the rush or adrenaline or anxiety or fear or anticipation!

Second thing is of course my new lil sis..Manling..haha..kinda starting to wonder if we are like the one hit wonders..like 1-2 weeks of wonderful time together, then the novelty start to run out, less and less new stuff about ourself that the other dunnoe about..sigh..i find it difficult to catch her already! like even when i do catch her at DSTA mentor appreciation night, i found it difficult to approach and talk to her..and i end up talking to everyone else more, being part of the guys, or just not connecting with the crowd..honestly, i feel like she's trying to avoid me..which is wierd..why would she avoid me? but like i mentioned, it's what i feel..what i know is that she is very busy nowadays, meeting her old chum friends, and close friends like XiuFang..and i Know that she has made a list of things to do before leaving Singapore with me, and Xiufang, and prolly people else so she is justified to be doing stuff with friends as well! And i don't have the right to know what she does everyday and why she have no time to meet me or wad..haha..man..this sounds so wrong..haha..no, i'm not stalking her or keeping tabs on her..haha..me just a neglected Korr who is thinking too much..

But i cannot help thinking too much..haha..this is like one of the times my emotional side and my intellectual side is conflicting so much..i know so much, but i still cannot help but feel that way...sigh sighz..i tink several people are misunderstanding me out there..haha..DON"T! it's just a case of Korr missing Meiz..nothing more..dun read too much!

One thing i can disclose to the world..i believe in God's destiny for me..i believe that He has guided me on this path, going through school, JC, and now Umich and DSTA for a reason..Because i never really worked hard for any of these..i just HAPPEN to think that studying was rather cool and fun when i was really young..and only God knows how i would have turned out if that did not happen. I believe that God is using me in the future to impact whoever will be in my area of influence [even now]. And i believe that even now as i embark on a 4-yr journey for my degree and masters i am fulfilling part of that destiny..Hence i completely devote myself to achieving that destiny for God's Glory, and anything that will take me completely off track from that i will exclude from my life. [hopefully] that means severely distracting relationships [long dis relationships], frequent partying [thank God i dun even like partying..], Frequent drinking [and thank God for a weak stomach with gastric which will act up when i over-drink a little] smoking? [Thank God i hate the smell].. yepp..totally focusing on my future now..haha..yepp..so here, i just wanna offer a prayer to God to keep me focussed on my future and lay hold of my destiny, right here, right now..that i may do all things that i am intended to do and achieve what i'm destined for. Thank God. Amen!