Message in a bottle
Dear God,
I write letters. I LIKE to write letters. Sometimes i really do express myself better through letter, where no one is here to interrupt me, where when i'm lost for words or when my tongue is tied no one really knows, where i have the opportunity to express myself as well as the person imagines it, rather than me spoiling it with quirky actions or bad phrasing. Well sometimes i listen more than i get to speak, so i do letters. Emails now that we have emails, but i still do letters. But somehow i haven't written one to you yet, so here i go, on this blog that was originally dedicated to you, i'll write one to you.
Somehow i wonder, if you have always been looking over my shoulders when i write to my friends. Somehow, i wonder if you have already known what i was going to write before i formed the words in my mind. Somehow, i wonder why it is, i always feel better after writing the letter, even though my friend have not read it, even though i have not received a reply.
Somehow or rather, i wonder if i have always been writing to you.
And you have always used my friends to reply to me.
You surely know the ways to reach me, the ways that i will listen and read, the ways that i will understand and believe. You made me. Remember almost 21 years ago? you made me who i am, with secrets that only you know, secrets that maybe i know something about but no one else knows about. Secrets between the two of us, but it's not fair cos you know more of it than i do.
Anyway, it's a new year, 2007. My friend tells me that churches have declared it a year of victory. To me, it's a year when i will meet new people, go new places, learn new things, try new stuff. To me, it's a year when i will continue to do things as i have always done, to love as i always have, to make mistakes as i always do, and to grow as you would me mature. To me, 2007 is going to be like any other year, and yet not like any other year cos the dates now end with 07 instead and sometimes i forget that. It's going to be a year when i will face-off with my first winter, when i face-off with emotions i struggle with, when i face-off with questions that i have in my mind that you have given to me.
God, why do you give us the freedom to not know you? Even when you stand right in our face we could just miss you and walk past, even when we see things that scream out your name we pretend that we do not see it. And sometimes even when you call our name we wonder if it's just in our heads. God, why do you give us the freedom to not love you? The world would be a much better place if everyone was born knowing you and loving you don't you think? You would want us to CHOOSE to love you and thus make us not love you to start with, then why do we keep wanting to be what you have not made us to be?
Why do we want what we never have, and never want what we have, why do we seek answers only to realise that at the end there are more questions? Why are humans designed to want what we don't need, and need what we don't want? Is that what you are like too? you want what you don't need and need what you don't want?
Why do you give us so many questions, and make us run all over the world before realising that only you have the answers?
Why do you make things so divided in the world, when you are the one who can be a trinity and a whole? why can't the whole world understand that we are everything and we are one thing? Can we understand religion as many different factions and as one single faith? Can we take a person to be so many different people under different situations but still one and the same?
Well, that's a whole lot of questions for now. Hope you have the answers for me soon, cos i'll be looking for you. Hope that don't put you off. Thank you God, and you have a great year too!
you know who i am
I write letters. I LIKE to write letters. Sometimes i really do express myself better through letter, where no one is here to interrupt me, where when i'm lost for words or when my tongue is tied no one really knows, where i have the opportunity to express myself as well as the person imagines it, rather than me spoiling it with quirky actions or bad phrasing. Well sometimes i listen more than i get to speak, so i do letters. Emails now that we have emails, but i still do letters. But somehow i haven't written one to you yet, so here i go, on this blog that was originally dedicated to you, i'll write one to you.
Somehow i wonder, if you have always been looking over my shoulders when i write to my friends. Somehow, i wonder if you have already known what i was going to write before i formed the words in my mind. Somehow, i wonder why it is, i always feel better after writing the letter, even though my friend have not read it, even though i have not received a reply.
Somehow or rather, i wonder if i have always been writing to you.
And you have always used my friends to reply to me.
You surely know the ways to reach me, the ways that i will listen and read, the ways that i will understand and believe. You made me. Remember almost 21 years ago? you made me who i am, with secrets that only you know, secrets that maybe i know something about but no one else knows about. Secrets between the two of us, but it's not fair cos you know more of it than i do.
Anyway, it's a new year, 2007. My friend tells me that churches have declared it a year of victory. To me, it's a year when i will meet new people, go new places, learn new things, try new stuff. To me, it's a year when i will continue to do things as i have always done, to love as i always have, to make mistakes as i always do, and to grow as you would me mature. To me, 2007 is going to be like any other year, and yet not like any other year cos the dates now end with 07 instead and sometimes i forget that. It's going to be a year when i will face-off with my first winter, when i face-off with emotions i struggle with, when i face-off with questions that i have in my mind that you have given to me.
God, why do you give us the freedom to not know you? Even when you stand right in our face we could just miss you and walk past, even when we see things that scream out your name we pretend that we do not see it. And sometimes even when you call our name we wonder if it's just in our heads. God, why do you give us the freedom to not love you? The world would be a much better place if everyone was born knowing you and loving you don't you think? You would want us to CHOOSE to love you and thus make us not love you to start with, then why do we keep wanting to be what you have not made us to be?
Why do we want what we never have, and never want what we have, why do we seek answers only to realise that at the end there are more questions? Why are humans designed to want what we don't need, and need what we don't want? Is that what you are like too? you want what you don't need and need what you don't want?
Why do you give us so many questions, and make us run all over the world before realising that only you have the answers?
Why do you make things so divided in the world, when you are the one who can be a trinity and a whole? why can't the whole world understand that we are everything and we are one thing? Can we understand religion as many different factions and as one single faith? Can we take a person to be so many different people under different situations but still one and the same?
Well, that's a whole lot of questions for now. Hope you have the answers for me soon, cos i'll be looking for you. Hope that don't put you off. Thank you God, and you have a great year too!
you know who i am
posted by B-Rok | 11:40 PM
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