Depressing day..but not without it's share of ups
Dear all,
I'm afraid this is gonna another word diahorrea entry..a bit gloomy, but i realise when i took stock, that there are more things to be cheerful about today rather than what i have to be depressed about..ha..yepp..but it's gonna be a bit gloomy now..paisei..ha..
Yepp first off, i must say today is my 21st birthday! hah..yeah manz..finally can drink alcohol legally again [in USA] but since i'm not an alcoholic so that doesn't impact me too much..and as i always say, i place so very little importance on my own birthday so i dun really care either way, but sometimes when i see other people have their birthday celebrated well, i kinda wonder what mine would be like..silly comparison ya..ha..
Anyway, to start off, i was reminded of my own birthday by princess Xiao Yan, who called me at 1230 AM in the middle of the night..when i was trying to sleep early from a hard day of mugging on sunday..yea..and i was sick with cough and flu and desperately needed rest..slept for 1 hour+ then was pleasantly awoken by Xiaoyan's call, wishing me a happy 21st birthday..then subsequently i got a missed call from Jean and 2 messages from Lynn and Jean..got a pretty nice wish and prayer from Lynn but Jean's was like 'haha..happy birthday'..hmmm..kinda half hearted now that i think about it, but a birthday wish is a birthday wish, and i ain't complaining about it..ha..wondered what she woulda told me if i did pick up the phone..ha..*wonders*
Anyway, when the day started, i tot i was on a good start, but then the runny nose and cough took over and i started being gloomy and tired throughout the day..was doing last minute mugging for the math through my lectures, and cun concentrate when the lecturer was going through review for the midterm through the math and Mech Engin lectures. Simply phase out for the whole day..tot i could conserve energy through till the test itself then i will pick up and heighten my senses..not true manz..
When it was time for the paper, i rushed down from north campus to central, with only half hour to spare, and no time to grab dinner..was hungry, gastric working a bit, but mainly tired from my flu and cough..so was retching and coughing and runny nosing..haiz..
The paper went on well enough, finished the first round in half an hour, but when i went over again, i realise there was like stupid mistakes in everyone of the questions..took a while to 'debug' each question..until i am fairly confident in all my answers except one stupid question where i keep getting an undefined answer [1/0] which doesn't make sense..i tried to make sense of it as far as i could, then i turned it in just like 15mins before time cos i was getting tired and sick of staring at the same question which i re-did 4-5 times.
Then when i got out and compared answer with everyone else, i realised that i copied the question wrongly..and i didn't compare my written question to the question itself..there goes the whole question..sigh..very pissed with myself..that's like 1/12 question that is totally wrong..and everyone else [singaporean bunch] seems to be doing better than me..and since this class is a curved graph class, i feel very down..like dragging even to now..
But now that i think about it again, i realise that i'm really thanking God that these bunch of 'careful' singaporeans are not in my lecture group, so i'm not really comparing to them, and hopefully the rest of my class did not fare that well, and the paper IS tough, so i guess 1 / 12 isn't all that bad..and 1/12 is like 8 pts of 100, and i dun think that question is weighed that much either so hopefully it ain't gonna impact too much..yeah manz..trying damn hard to look on the bright side now..
Anyway, apart from tt, i got another message from Christine wishing me birthday again, then i read several emails from my dear E240 members wishing me a good day, and see one from Daph..ha..realise that is kinda rare cos she don't have easy access to internet? haha..was qt heartwarming to know that so many ppl actually remembered..
The highest pt of this day was when Junlin actually called me from Denmark! ha..especially when i almost tot i lost touch with this old friend again..ha..cos i dun have her addy, and she doesn't have mine. i dun have her MSN, and she din reply my email [long time before] and i remember our letter writing ended pretty badly cos i had the impression that she din want to continue writing to me so i din reply..hah..Jun, if you are reading, i know now that what i tot is wrong..forgive me okay? i will continue to write to you and everything now..ha..thanks so much for calling me today ya? it is really my highlight of the day, and frankly, without that, i tink i cannot pull myself out of this gloom..really feel damn depressed if not for your call! You are truly a great friend, you dun even know how much that meant to me..ha
AND when i came back, i saw a nice note on my table from my small group leader here which went
" HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY! Also, read Acts 17:26-28. This is you! Praise God for saving you 1 year ago today! Jesus Rocks! - Kevin"
I mean, my small group leader came straight to my room and placed that note and gift [a sneakers bar] on my table! wow..ha..manz, that is a hallmark of a great man, who is willing to accept a new friends like me, and do stuffs like that for me which is extremely out of his way..well, this is the guy/mentor i look up to right now, and i guess it's qt uplifting to receive this grace from him..
And from the message that kevin left on my desk, this is officially the day i turn 1 year old in CHRIST! ha..dunno how many of you actually know that or remember that..but it is true, i am a one year old baby now, and i'm proud of where i am now..really want to take the opportunity to thank God for bringing me from where i was, to where i am now.. really have been blessed in many ways, and even now i am living out a dream that God gave me so long ago even before i knew Him. Even for the small favours of increasing my influence on people around me, and having so many people aware of my existence and my birthday..ha..really so much much more than before i knew Him..ha..thank you God for remembering my birthday too..and for your saving grace that touched me last year..Pray that you will never forsake me, and that i will never feel forsaken, but forever be comforted by your consistent, incomprehensible, unconditional love that is agape..Blessed be your name!
And so i conclude my evaluation of this day, with a quote from what Happiness IS by Dr A.R Bernard "Happiness is a CHOICE" so right now, i have all the reasons before me, and i CHOOSE to be happy! ha..yeah man, it's my 21st birthday so there..ha..so what if i din get a perfect paper for math? so what if it's a stupid mistake i can knock my head against the wall for? so what if i'm sick enough that i probably will miss the wall when i try to do that? haha..yeah man..today is my day, even if it's almost ending..yeah..
-Endz-
I'm afraid this is gonna another word diahorrea entry..a bit gloomy, but i realise when i took stock, that there are more things to be cheerful about today rather than what i have to be depressed about..ha..yepp..but it's gonna be a bit gloomy now..paisei..ha..
Yepp first off, i must say today is my 21st birthday! hah..yeah manz..finally can drink alcohol legally again [in USA] but since i'm not an alcoholic so that doesn't impact me too much..and as i always say, i place so very little importance on my own birthday so i dun really care either way, but sometimes when i see other people have their birthday celebrated well, i kinda wonder what mine would be like..silly comparison ya..ha..
Anyway, to start off, i was reminded of my own birthday by princess Xiao Yan, who called me at 1230 AM in the middle of the night..when i was trying to sleep early from a hard day of mugging on sunday..yea..and i was sick with cough and flu and desperately needed rest..slept for 1 hour+ then was pleasantly awoken by Xiaoyan's call, wishing me a happy 21st birthday..then subsequently i got a missed call from Jean and 2 messages from Lynn and Jean..got a pretty nice wish and prayer from Lynn but Jean's was like 'haha..happy birthday'..hmmm..kinda half hearted now that i think about it, but a birthday wish is a birthday wish, and i ain't complaining about it..ha..wondered what she woulda told me if i did pick up the phone..ha..*wonders*
Anyway, when the day started, i tot i was on a good start, but then the runny nose and cough took over and i started being gloomy and tired throughout the day..was doing last minute mugging for the math through my lectures, and cun concentrate when the lecturer was going through review for the midterm through the math and Mech Engin lectures. Simply phase out for the whole day..tot i could conserve energy through till the test itself then i will pick up and heighten my senses..not true manz..
When it was time for the paper, i rushed down from north campus to central, with only half hour to spare, and no time to grab dinner..was hungry, gastric working a bit, but mainly tired from my flu and cough..so was retching and coughing and runny nosing..haiz..
The paper went on well enough, finished the first round in half an hour, but when i went over again, i realise there was like stupid mistakes in everyone of the questions..took a while to 'debug' each question..until i am fairly confident in all my answers except one stupid question where i keep getting an undefined answer [1/0] which doesn't make sense..i tried to make sense of it as far as i could, then i turned it in just like 15mins before time cos i was getting tired and sick of staring at the same question which i re-did 4-5 times.
Then when i got out and compared answer with everyone else, i realised that i copied the question wrongly..and i didn't compare my written question to the question itself..there goes the whole question..sigh..very pissed with myself..that's like 1/12 question that is totally wrong..and everyone else [singaporean bunch] seems to be doing better than me..and since this class is a curved graph class, i feel very down..like dragging even to now..
But now that i think about it again, i realise that i'm really thanking God that these bunch of 'careful' singaporeans are not in my lecture group, so i'm not really comparing to them, and hopefully the rest of my class did not fare that well, and the paper IS tough, so i guess 1 / 12 isn't all that bad..and 1/12 is like 8 pts of 100, and i dun think that question is weighed that much either so hopefully it ain't gonna impact too much..yeah manz..trying damn hard to look on the bright side now..
Anyway, apart from tt, i got another message from Christine wishing me birthday again, then i read several emails from my dear E240 members wishing me a good day, and see one from Daph..ha..realise that is kinda rare cos she don't have easy access to internet? haha..was qt heartwarming to know that so many ppl actually remembered..
The highest pt of this day was when Junlin actually called me from Denmark! ha..especially when i almost tot i lost touch with this old friend again..ha..cos i dun have her addy, and she doesn't have mine. i dun have her MSN, and she din reply my email [long time before] and i remember our letter writing ended pretty badly cos i had the impression that she din want to continue writing to me so i din reply..hah..Jun, if you are reading, i know now that what i tot is wrong..forgive me okay? i will continue to write to you and everything now..ha..thanks so much for calling me today ya? it is really my highlight of the day, and frankly, without that, i tink i cannot pull myself out of this gloom..really feel damn depressed if not for your call! You are truly a great friend, you dun even know how much that meant to me..ha
AND when i came back, i saw a nice note on my table from my small group leader here which went
" HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY! Also, read Acts 17:26-28. This is you! Praise God for saving you 1 year ago today! Jesus Rocks! - Kevin"
I mean, my small group leader came straight to my room and placed that note and gift [a sneakers bar] on my table! wow..ha..manz, that is a hallmark of a great man, who is willing to accept a new friends like me, and do stuffs like that for me which is extremely out of his way..well, this is the guy/mentor i look up to right now, and i guess it's qt uplifting to receive this grace from him..
And from the message that kevin left on my desk, this is officially the day i turn 1 year old in CHRIST! ha..dunno how many of you actually know that or remember that..but it is true, i am a one year old baby now, and i'm proud of where i am now..really want to take the opportunity to thank God for bringing me from where i was, to where i am now.. really have been blessed in many ways, and even now i am living out a dream that God gave me so long ago even before i knew Him. Even for the small favours of increasing my influence on people around me, and having so many people aware of my existence and my birthday..ha..really so much much more than before i knew Him..ha..thank you God for remembering my birthday too..and for your saving grace that touched me last year..Pray that you will never forsake me, and that i will never feel forsaken, but forever be comforted by your consistent, incomprehensible, unconditional love that is agape..Blessed be your name!
And so i conclude my evaluation of this day, with a quote from what Happiness IS by Dr A.R Bernard "Happiness is a CHOICE" so right now, i have all the reasons before me, and i CHOOSE to be happy! ha..yeah man, it's my 21st birthday so there..ha..so what if i din get a perfect paper for math? so what if it's a stupid mistake i can knock my head against the wall for? so what if i'm sick enough that i probably will miss the wall when i try to do that? haha..yeah man..today is my day, even if it's almost ending..yeah..
-Endz-
posted by B-Rok | 9:40 PM
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